pgjonker.co.za

But for you, my friend, we make it Pounds Sterling

By JJ Jonker

Yes, that would be my net worth if I claimed some of the lottery wins of which I have been notified during the month of August. Being from a Calvinistic background however, I knew that all this money would corrupt me, and therefore opted out. It is however fascinating how widely one can amass money without even entering a lottery. All you need to do is send an email. This automatically enters you for the draw.

Exactly the opposite of the faithful Christian, who one day started complaining bitterly to God that in his experience, the power of prayer is a myth. This because he had been faithfully praying every night – since it’s inception – to win the Lotto. But to date, he has not even won any of the smaller, “3-correct number” prizes.  A voice from above then responded as follows: “Please help me out here and at least buy a ticket”.

To prove that I am not making this up, I attach a summary of (some) of my winnings for August:

I can declare solidarity with those intrepid astronomers of way back when they first realised the earth was not flat or that it was not the centre of the universe. Should they tell anyone?

The above results – multiple lottery wins on the same day, TWICE in one month – proves beyond a single thread of doubt that statistics and probabilities as we know it today, is complete hogwash.

In addition to the above wins, I have also been named the beneficiary of – amongst others – a USD4.5 million estate, should I claim to be the relative of one “Mr Andre Deek, who died in a terrible hot air balloon crash that also took the lives of two other innocent souls”. Barrister Ben Mnpapati from the Eenin Republic (could not find this on Google) goes on to say that: “All I require is your honest co-operation ….”

By these persistent attempts to separate me – and no doubt many others – from my money, I question the truth of the saying: “There’s a sucker born every minute”. No, it has to be more frequent than this, say every 5 seconds?

The background to these scams is usually well researched, and built around commonly known facts, e.g. the existence of the organization allocating/enquiring about any issue. Below is such an example, banking on the greed and gullibility of the human species. The highlighting indicating the hooks and their explanation is mine.

This is a confidential message (there we go, I am the only person to receive this) from IEFM Private Equity and financial Consultants.

We are conducting a standard process investigation on behalf of HSBC private bank (Yes, I’ve heard of them, they also sponsor Gran Prix motor racing), the private banking arm of the international banking conglomerate (Right again. Their head office is in Canada).

This investigation involves a client who shares the same surname (what a coincidence!) with you and also the circumstances surrounding investments made by this client at HSBC Private.

The client died in intestate (ag shame) and nominated no successor in title over the investments made with the bank. The essence of this communication with you is to request you (to) provide us (with) information/comments (sure, what harm can this do?) on any or all of the issues:

1-Are you aware of any relative/relation who shares your same name who’s last known contact address was Madrid, Spain?

2-Are you aware of any investment of considerable value made by such a person at the Private Banking Division of HSBC Bank PLC?

3-Can you establish beyond reasonable doubt your eligibility to assume status of successor (my goodness, what a stroke of luck!) in title to the deceased?

It is pertinent that you inform us ASAP whether or not you are familiar with this personality (so) that we may put an end to this communication with you and our nquiries (spelling mistake) surrounding this personality (not quite the Queen’s English).

You must appreciate that we are constrained (yes, of course I understand – banks can’t divulge personal details of clients to ANY outsider, related or not) from providing you with more detailed information at this point. Please respond to this mail as soon as possible to afford us the opportunity to close this investigation (I’m going to do so straight away).

Thank you for accommodating our enquiry (nice, civil people).

If you share my surname – or any other should also work – you are welcome to take up this offer on my behalf by contacting Paula at the address below. 

Paula Aguilar (nice Spanish name – where have I heard it before? A singer, perhaps?) Email: iefm@w.cn

Just imagine if the scammer put this effort into a real job – say journalism – what career heights could be achieved.

However, invariably, these letters contain poor grammar, spelling mistakes (possibly from a Nigerian dictionary) no official letterhead, and if so, a poorly scanned logo from e.g. a bank, which is easily detected due to its low resolution.

Although the example above has a name, these often sound fake, almost as if a computer generated it by taking a random name from one list and combining it with a surname from a second list, or quite often the combination of two surnames. Here are some examples:

Mr Haruna Sule, The Camelot Group on behalf of the UK Lottery, Mr Mohammad Noiraat from Sudan – presently residing in Kwazulu Natal and Morris Camara with the same details, George Garang (and others) from Stantanders Bank, London (no, this how they spell it), Mrs Selena Gomez Smith from (also) the UK National Lottery Commission.

Here’s one from a person who would like to know me better:

Hi, Good day, my name is Miss Stephanie 26yrs single girl, from Sierra Leone in West Africa. Presently residing in Ouagadougou (Burkina Faso) I will love to know you. Upon your reply I will tell you more about myself and send you my picture.
Love Stephanie

What a lovely letter. Not asking for any money. I like the girl already. It sounds like the type PG attracts.

Some offerings are of course more blatant right from the start, directly requesting your banking details and not first waiting until you are friends, which is generally around the third email. In other cases you are sworn to secrecy, like this one from Dr (Mrs) Amanda Ford, from the Yahoo UK Award Centre:

WARNING!

Do not tell people about your Prize Award until your money is successful handed over to you to avoid disqualification that may arise from double claim. You may also receive similar emails from people portraying to be other Organizations or Yahoo Inc. This is solely to collect your personal information from you and lay claim over your winning. In event that you receive any e-mail similar to the notification letter that was sent to you, kindly delete it from your mail box and give no further correspondence to such person or body. Yahoo shall not be held responsible for any loss of fund arising from the above mentioned.

It begs the question that, if I had prior to this one, already received the same notification from another scammer – should I then delete this one?

Please advise.